Why I eat.......Part Two

I have just got you back into my life in time to watch you fade.

I sit and stare at the man who help make the man who made me. I see how he has writhed from being sick. My heart breaks because there is nothing I can do. I can't discover a cure. I can't fix what has been done. I can't heal. I am not a miracle worker, I am no Jesus, I am a mere mortal watching him die. That's all I can do..watch, pray and hope that the pain is less then it was yesterday.


I stare at the watch he gave me..."To remember me when I am gone" He couldn't even voice the words he was so weak, he merely nodded as my grandmother said that why he gave it to me. Even the nod seem to be a struggle for him. I look at him and I want to scream, "PLEASE DON'T GO!!!" I want to cling to him and beg him to stay. Instead I say "Thank you, I love you." And hug the man who writhes in my arms.


I hate myself for it. For waiting so long to reconnect with you. I know I didn't know you would get sick but still I hate it. I have just got you back to lose you forever. And when you are gone she will follow. I don't not expect her to out live the man she spent her life with. Just at the thought, the simple knowledge that you both will be gone makes me sick. My stomach aches like I want to puke up my guts.

I cry at night knowing that perish time is being spent away from you. Eight to Twelve months that all I have you for. The small amount of time to absorb you. To drink in your beauty, to see your smile, to touch your wrinkled face, to say that I love you. That little time to get to know you, to hold you and to allow you to be proud of who I became. That little time to have what is left of you before you are gone.

So I cry because I know I will lose you soon.