& I wonder.

Why I even bother....

#6

I hate people who change for other people and create double standards in the process.

Simple Euphoria

On Saturday something wonderful happened. I had slept over Ash's house the prior night and not getting much sleep due to the "visitors" in her home and wandered into my room. It was almost as empty as it was when we first moved. There was only my t.v stand opposite my bookcase. And my two nightstand and vanity lining the wall where the one window is. I let my toes sink into the new plush carpet and sighed, it is so good to be in my haven. I was a cool day out and all three windows were open. I grabbed a sheet and laid it carefully on the floor, carried my pillow and bag of libraries books to the room and sighed. The sun streamed in beautifully I thought of, if only briefly, what a rare and beautiful photo op this would be if Lilith were here with her camera. I laid on my floor and smiled to myself, it was a rare day where my phone didn't go off not once, I was completely alone in my room and thoughts. Then something that hasn't happened in what seems like forever occurred ....I felt completely at peace. I picked up my book and smiled as I read...later drifting off to sleep under the warm afternoon sun with the cool breeze caressing my skin.

I haven't been that happy in a while.

It feels like I am dying.

Sometimes I wish I would wake up May 16th and the outcome was different. That you would still have a heartbeat, even a faint one. That you could have seen me turn 19. Two Months and it hurts more and more. I can barely keep my emotions intact. Angry, numbness, contentness, odd feelings of peace, emotions swirl and fill my head. I am stuck in a state of...I don't knowness. it a horrible feeling leading to crankyness and mega angry and IDK what to do about it....Idk even know how to write this blog. *sighs* THE END? I guess

My guilty pleasure

I love ♥ little colorful coveredbooks that they call "summer reads" like gossip girls and the nannies and now Au pairs ♥☺♥