It feels like I am dying.

Sometimes I wish I would wake up May 16th and the outcome was different. That you would still have a heartbeat, even a faint one. That you could have seen me turn 19. Two Months and it hurts more and more. I can barely keep my emotions intact. Angry, numbness, contentness, odd feelings of peace, emotions swirl and fill my head. I am stuck in a state of...I don't knowness. it a horrible feeling leading to crankyness and mega angry and IDK what to do about it....Idk even know how to write this blog. *sighs* THE END? I guess