Seven Words

You sent a text in it seven words. Four of which I heard, read and felt plenty of times. Three that I have only read once. I took them in and processed them, no one had ever said that to me. Ever, so simple yet I felt like I would be moved to tears by their beauty. I can't seem to get the word straight in my head to describe what I feel. Peaceful, secure, beautiful, stunned, amazed, impressed, calm, happy, happy, and even more happy. How simple it is to make me happy. You my love are so amazing and perfect for me. I am so blessed to have you in my life and I thank god for you. Thank you, for everything ♥.

This feeling is amazing, so peaceful it feels like I am floating.


{He said: I love you baby. Only you baby.Received at 12/31/10 1:37 pm. Reaction: & for the first time in my life, I believed it.}

#50

Just changing the way I say things makes life so fun. I GET to face myself everyday and I GET to create a new things in each moment.

#49

I am so ready to be really open

#48

How many times did you hurt me to make you happy? Now that I am gone was it worth it?

Four of the seven things I need to know from you (47)

When you write, what drives you?

Number 46

I keep saying something until I am free of it, then I move on :]

#45

Your smile makes me knees weak and my heart melt but I barly see it, it makes me feel like I don't make you happy. :l

>.> Old me talking

#44

I write you notes every Sunday for two reasons
1) I want you to know that I am thinking of you and that I love you.
2) I am to scared to say what I say in those notes out aloud

#43

When I don't know what to write in a blog...I listen to Ursa Major and it all clears up

#42

I figured out why you remind me of the color blue, because when I think of you I think of the water. If you had any idea how much the water means to me you would know how huge that is.

#41

I have never been this crazy about someone before....smh

Locked in a room

I am locked in a room and I can't seem to find the key. So I sit and thinking of everything I let pass by me. All the wasted moments and open doors I walked by. In these moments I make the decision to fly. I want to be able to say I lived my life to the fullest, so when I die my headstone could say "Damn what a life." I want to live my life better then just okay or fine. I want to live extraordinary. I refuse to be locked in room and let life pass me by. So I Will kick down the door and join the living because I can't saying I am alive if I am living like the dead. So avoid doors that will trap you in because each second you try to get out of your locked room is a second you won't get back.

#40

The definition of perfection is every moment I spend with you <3

#39

Everytime you draw near I can feel you coming closer and thats when the butterflies take flight ♥

Nightmare

Eyes closed and breathing is heavy. I am running in the dark confines of my mind and all I know is that, I can't let my demons get me. Twisted images flooding my mind, I am in cold sweats. I am trying to wake up but I am trapped in my terror. The darkness starts to swallow me and my heart rate increases. Damn I am stuck in this alley and there is no way out. My demons creep closer, faces disfigured and claws covered in blood. I am shivering and I am aware that I am pulling my sheets tighter. Whimpers escape my lips and I am trying to figure out how to get out of this shit. Something grabs me and I scream and jolt awake. At least it was just a dream but there is a hand mark on my arm and I can't shake the feeling that I am my inner demon.

Addictions

I am addicted to the pen, the smell of ink and the feel of paper. I am addicted to the feel of your lips on mine. I am addicted to the heat of the spotlight on my face. I am addicted the sweet wishers in a language that foreign to me in my ear. I am addicted to the flash of a camera while I pose for the picture. I am addicted to the feel of the keys under my fingers as I type each blog. I am addicted to way your hands feel as the brush against my skin. I am addicted to the sound of your laughter and the look of your smile. I am addicted to the stories that you tell me over the phone. Addicted to the way you tell stupid jokes and they way you act silly. I am addicted laughing and holding hands. I am addicted to my talents and the ideas of changing the world. I am addicted to hugging trees and being a crazy. I am addicted to honesty and the music you create. I am addicted to meeting new people and creating new relationships. I am addicting to keeping others secrets safe and addicted to telling mine. I am addicted to the sound of my words when they flow like I want them to. But I have to admit what I am addicted to most is you.

Facts of life

You are the only expectation, is the song that really really represents you in my life.

#38

I feel like you are talking to him because you know it annoys me. *sighs* and I can't blame him because he doesn't know me like that

Three of the seven things I want to know from you (#37)

What closed you off so much?

Yesterday

I was so so happy that I was with my family and I had so much fun ♥. I want to thank God for my gift of Family & You <3

I wonder why

I freeze up with you be my side. I can't seem to just relax completely. I don't know why but being with you brings up old fears of not being good enough. I couldn't even study a lot because all I kept thinking was, what if he doesn't think I am smart enough for him?I don't act around you because I keep thinking, what if he thinks I suck? I need to change my thought patterns, that is the only way I will be able to really give you my all on your mix tape. & I want to give you my all. I can do it because I am a super talented and incredible person. I know you see that me because if you didn't you wouldn't want me to be on your mix tape in the first place. I need to stop wondering why and just change it. WE ARE EQUALS!!!!! :D & I love you

#36

I know you have the hots for my boyfriend......it's okay I won't tell

#35

I wish I could say sorry that I hurt you but the fact is I didn't.

#34

You, my baybee, are what pushes me to be incredible, it mostly out of love but a little out of the fact that I want to be better then you <3

Excuse Me

I heard I offended you, um I wish I could say sorry but I am not lying. Shit happens, thats the story of these pages. I am wish I could pretend that what I said wasn't true but I am going be real with myself because I am so tried of being fake with you. Let it be known for the record that I did what I had to do. I fell in love with an idea, and fall out love with the thought of you. Sweet little giggles on pillows while everyone else was dreaming but not everything is how it seems. Pixie dust kept me from breathing, there is only some lies I will allow myself to believe in. So Excuse Me, its time for me to break free, now I am just going to be me. No need for magic or bullshit, you don't like well fuck you too because I am trying to breath not suffocate you. So excuse me if my honest ways offend the world you dwell in. I refuse to crumble at the first sign of shit getting tough, I was made to stand and weather every season. I am sorry, The Ursa Major Factor got me saying it like it is. Ha ha only I am not sorry, I am glad, tired of trying to spare you from the Truth. I am ready to move on, bags been packed since I found out that you make me kind of sick. I am tried of pretending that my love is not something worth respect. Yeah, I will always care about you from a far. A distance that, I refuse to cross, excuse me for being loyal to me first. Sounds selfish? Like I give a fuck. Its time to live for Stephanie and breath life into the world like only I can. So Excuse me because they say I am being a bit on the mean side. Oops I guess some people can't handle rough shit, don't worry I got a soft side. So excuse me because this is the last time I will ask for a pardon. Hello, me its been a while but I am glad you could make it.

Secert Lies

You tell yourself to address the world with the face you wear, fuck that. Your mask is becoming transparent, are you scared that I will see your scarred face? Are you afraid that your fuck up are going to scare me away? Baby, I don't scare easily. Your fuck up are what make you amazing, the secret lies you fill you own head with are full of shit. I could care less how many scars fill your arms from self mutilation, I would kiss each cut line like its the most beautiful thing I have seen. I will love you despite it all. Hand me your wounded heart and know that I will cherish it as more then one that was in mint condition. Invite me to dinner with your inner demons and lets have a chat, so that when I send them off you feel that much lighter. Tilt the bottle and slip your secret, liquid gold, let me drink it. You want to have memories to always hold true that let me be your words. Treat me like the art form you love. I was built tough like Ford, so test out my durability. Through all your fears on me and know that I won't carry it I would throw it to the side like you should have. Secret lies that you tell yourself might start sounding like truths. I am here to call you on your bullshit and push you into you either fall of fly. I expect the same from you. I have my wings I can soar through the skies, you can't fly if you can't see. Your mask will blind you, your secret lies will weigh you down till you fall. So let it go, pretend I am your booth, hit record and let it go. I am waiting for the storm , ready to stand in the eye of your hurricane and watch the beauty of your inner destruction, because when you finally fall part, you can rise from the ashes. Born a new and ready to take on the world with your face, scars and all. So, keep the secrets lies flowing from your mouth until you get sick of the sound of your own shit, because I see the day when Bency and Ursa Major are one. So I sit and wait because when it happens I want to say welcome and be the first to witness the birth of the greatest star to step on this earth. So baby, can you really give me what I want?

Dancing with Shadows

I take it by the hand and spin it into a dizzy fit. I refuse to let my past dictate my future. So let us dance, right off the plains of my life or at least until you are behind me. So let the shadows try to grab me, all I have to say is good day to you. For I see the light that is my future and there is no room for you. Sorry I put on sign on the entrance no shadows allowed. So lets us have out last dance let the music of old tears be our song. Let the dance floor be ours for a few seconds. I will provide you with a few graceful steps and then it is time for you to be put behind me. My days of dances are over, now I will embrace each moment of life as a new. Because FYI the future is now and I want to embrace I don't know about you. ♥ Now my only shadow is the man who stands by my side and is willing to step behind to let me shine. ♥

Tender Lips.

Tender lips explores the canvas that is my body. I am ready for you to write your love on my pages. You can go crazy and let loose, let your emotions carry you over the inches of my body. Let you hands run over me and fill me with your creative. Mark me as your own and be the one and only to make my page fill with color. Make me your partner, sigh your name on me with your tongue. Create music through our pants and let the moans be the foundation to a climax let to come. Keeping turning me out until my body cries for you. The let the room fill with our medley and let our bodies record this feeling for eternity. Let my body be the blank pages to a song your haven't created yet. Write your love all over me and then get addict to the feeling. We can create different songs every night. We can take the booth and bring it to the bed room. I am your page, you can fill my body with ink whenever you desire to. All that matters is that these tender lips belong to you and yearn for your kisses. This tender lips let go of secrets as they press against your mouth. So they want to let you know that whenever you are ready you can fill the pages of your rhyme book.

#33

I threw all my efforts into you to avoid the fact that there was no more holding on to you (the second you is not who you expect)

Two Things I miss most

1) I miss falling alsepp with you on the phone
2) I miss playing the question game and telling stories
:D

Twisted Pages.

My paper is crumbled up in my hands. I feel betrayed, I can't help but want to tear the pages of this notebook out. They reveal to much, reading each words makes me feel naked. My words always telling the truth, I never write a lie unless its fiction. So balled in my fists are the word of a lover written to you. Things I am unwilling to admit written plain for you to see. So, I tore out the pages and I twisted them into my fist. I do not want you to know my inner thoughts, or how much I need you. I tighten my fist, why can't I stop from writing all this? Why can't my pen stop kissing my paper and spreading my secrets across its lines? I know why I won't stop it because I love the freedom it gives me not having these secrets on my chest. To not bare the burden of things unsaid. So I take the page and smooth out the wrinkles and place in on the table where you can find it. Because these twisted pages lead to twisted talks that lead to our in tangled love. So if it takes every secrets and twisted page I got to keep us this way, I will keep the pages coming.

Wishes

My thoughts run to you, where my body can't be. I wish I could embrace you. I wish I was in your arms as I fall to sleep tonight. I know that I will dream of you but I wish i was dreaming while laying next to you so your warmth could be my covers. I wish I were in your bed every night from now until forever. I wish......I wish...............damn I just wish you were here.

#32

Writing my feelings out is simple....saying them out loud is hard.

#31

I wrap my legs around you, just to pull your closer. That's the problem, you are never close enough. Why is it that your never close enough? I wonder if our flesh somehow became one and if our minds thought on the same pattern, if our breathing had the same rhythm, if our souls got tangled up together, would that be close enough?

Reality.

Tangled up in the sheets, you force your breathing to match mine. See on some days I don't like you. I climb out of bed and creep down the stairs to get away from you. I even hold hands with an old lover and when I realized that I missed him we may get caught up in the moment. Sometimes you are no fun and all ever do is say it like it is and leave no room to pretend. But that's just the way Reality is, always getting furious when I sneak away with my dreams. I just like to flirt with reality when everything gets boring. I don't love you the way you love me and I am sorry but my heart is in the clouds cradled by dreams. I am a dreamer baby, but when my dreams become reality well that when you find me tangled in the sheets with him.

# 30

I am so so so so so so in love with you......................I would move the world if it got in the way of us........... because nothing will keep me from spending forever with my baybee♥