The Artist Who Paints Words: February 2011

Sunday, February 27, 2011

180

I had so much fun last night ♥ Good times :D

Sunday, February 20, 2011

179

I don't know who I got 1000 and something reads but its all cool with me :} Thank guys ♥

Saturday, February 19, 2011

177

Freaking addictive websites lol I have to sigh off now.......now......:P

My eyes are wide open and I don't want to move from this chair. I haven't started my vibe stuff but at the moment I really don't want to. All this disturbance caused because in 25 mins I make fours months with you but I can't get over what I feel now.

176

Reading all these stupid, all star bs, tweets and status makes me want to scream and tear out my hair.

........................175

You don't even know me well enough to differentiated personalities.............it kind of makes me sad. & Then I look like a moody bitch. I kind of thought you did.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

174

Today was a waste of time an now I can't stop crying :{

Monday, February 14, 2011

173

I wish I could describe the butterflies in my stomach but I can always just mention them and you can getthe idea.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Not sure 172

I am not really sure why the thought of a charm bracelet triggered this mornings tangent but I though t it was nice to be able to share it with you.

171

I wonder whats your weirdest and kinkiest sexual fantasy.

170

I wonder what it was like growing up without birthday parties.

Ways to pass time: #19

Plan a dream trip

Tips for a relationship: #22

Never fake anything with someone, it doesn't benefit you.

Dreams of Us: #9

Surges, unrealistic needs to always be touching you. Hands squeeze your tighter and you squeeze back, and I keep staring straight ahead. I hear them tell us about the mission and the only words I make out is, "might not make it out alive of this one." Something about the way he said it made me worry, you shot him a cocky smile and say "You always say that." I wish I could have that same amount of confidence, something about this job makes me stomach flip. You grab the file and pull me out the office, "We will be fine." You smile at me reassuringly and give me a kiss. "We are the best, that's why they call us for the tough stuff." You look at me, willing your confidence to be mine. I smile at you and place my hand on your cheek, "I know." That was enough for you to look out the glass window and smiled. "When we get back we will take a trip to a nice place, maybe Aruba." We step onto the elevator and glance the building for what felt like the last time and every time before that. Break into the Buckingham palace and get the papers about our government, I shake my head. Europe doesn't like us, not after last time. We walk up to the private jet and are hands are intertwined. The surges fill me again, I want to wrap myself in your arms and never leave. "We have a job to do" you lean to my ear and say. I look into your eyes knowing that whatever happens, I will be with you at the end of the day.

My show (169)

It seems to be writing itself but of course it is as personal as I knew it would be. So each line I write is a conversation I have had with god before, and trust me it ain't pretty.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

one......six.........eight

I may be weird but I really don't think your romantic.

Realization {167}

Everyday we get closer and closer. I don't really think there is anything I haven't told you. {If I haven't its because I don't remember it and I need it to be triggered by something.} I do know this, there is no one I trust more then you.

Man I miss (166) ▬↨↑↓→←∟↔

I miss having a pen pal.

Stating the obvious (165)

I love it that mah little sistah comes over everyday after school. I hope high school doesn't make her grow out of being close with me.

Tips for a relationship: #21

Saying what you feel, no matter how stupid it is, is never really stupid. Your feelings matter and your thoughts.

Ways to pass time: #18

Listen to old songs you liked when you were younger.

:O 164

I almost forgot how much I enjoy Lupe Fiasco.

Superstar ☼

I used to perfect everything I did, so when I was a superstar the camera would never catch me looking ew doing anything. I used to eat like a porn star, walk like a model and always dress in my best. I wanted the world to watch me in awe and desire to be me. I want the life of glamor, the camera flashes, the parties and the envy. Then I grew up and I realized, with great power comes great responsibleness and no private life whats so ever. I knew not all my friends would make it to the top and I didn't want to question ho was there just to cash in on my love to spend cash. The need to be a superstar faded but my light still glows.

Another silly little fact (163)

I guess hip hop isn't that bad, or is it that when I listen to it I think of you. Either way I am still listening it.

162: Questions for thought

I wonder, if no matter what we go through would you still be by my side?

Let the good times roll

[Intro]
I'm gonna make it bend and break
(It sent you to me without wait)
Say a prayer, but let the good times roll
In case God doesn't show...
(Let the good times roll)
(Let the good times roll)

I can't help but hear that repeat over and over in my head. Every time I talk to god, I feel like I am talking to someone who long ago turned a deaf ear. Let I am spitting out words to the ceiling and the mirror stares at me with pity. My doubts in voice of an old friend, my fear of a nothing after death fill my chest with panic. To become nothing, a like you never existed, the thought terrifies me. So does the thought of my friends and I being separated after life, that the part of me that holds on to god with all its got, is right. Which do I fear more is the question and hat has got me so mucked up that my faith is slipping through my finger tips like grains of sand I can't hold on to. My hands run through my hair, I can't stop this word play with my prayers. There has got to be someone who can help clear it all up but I am to tight lipped to ask.

Verse 2
Been looking forward to the future
But my eyesight is going bad
And this crystal ball
It's always cloudy except for
(Except for)
When you look into the past
(Look into the past)
One night stand...
(One night stand, oh)

Oh

Rain trickles on the roof and you can hear each drop. It is hot insides, the build up of way to many cold days and closed windows. Its stuff, hard to breath, panting like you have a stuffy nose and you ran to fast. The rain comes down harder, any plans to leave faded with the weather. You let you hands run over the carpet, feeling the bristles under your hand. You clench your fist shut and pull, handful of carpet pieces and a smile on your face. The rain is sooting and drowning out the sound of your thoughts, you close your eyes and imagine the feel of the cold drops against your flustered hot skin. The thought causes you to shiver, and bite your lip to fit the string of tears. Legs quaking and you find a piece of the carpet you haven't pulled at yet. Hands searching, mind blank and breathing heavy. Closer. Yes, it seem as if you are closer to the edge and when you go to peer over you fall. Wind blowing and adrenalin pumping, you close you eyes and just feel. Then oh, you are brought back to firm ground and you go back to listening to the rain fade. You stare at your ceiling waiting for another rainy day.

THE CRACKS IN MY ARMOR

I got tired of suiting up so one day I walked out without my armor.I got tried of being safe, it felt to comfortable and some times I just want to squirm in my seat, that's why I always liked change. The sick feeling in my stomach reminding me that I am alive, I get thrills from being in a situation I can't get out of. (not a bad one) I got tried of lugging around that tons of bullshit that only slowed me down from where I wanted to be. So the cracks that lay on the armor doesn't matter because I discarded it on the floor.

161

So this is me totally brainstorming.......not really lol I guess i should have warned you my creativity is spazz-tasict lol no controlling it :P

Monday, February 7, 2011

Ways to pass time: #17

Play online games :)

Dreams of Us: #8

Hands hold tight to the Mic and your hand covers mine to calm me. You smile and I smile back but it looks more like a nervous grimace. You start speaking the opening of our duet poem, my response comes without much thought. Your eyes stay locked on mine. You tell me that its hard for you to see a life without me, I response with its impossible. You say you see no way around it and I cry and say I can feel it in every kiss. I forget the crowd is there and the words I wrote, now I am just reacting in the moment to what you said. Your eyes flash a briefly hurt look , you say every kiss is lace with love and I said every kiss holds a taste of sorrow. My attention is captured by a voice in the crowd, someone saying love conquers all. I look at you and repeat it. I love you, may not be poetic but its the truth. The crowd aws and claps but my eyes never leave yours.

l6o

I am exhausted, but it was worth it to finally say what I never told you before.

159

Could it be that this year I actually get to have a real Valentine's day?

Not the stalker filled kind?

Or the kind where I break up with my boyfriend, the day of, for being an complete ass?

Maybe I shouldn't hope for much but I can't help but be excited. Let's face it, he can't do worse then those days.

I wonder what I should get him lol

Setting The Record Straight

I don't hate you, not even close, I don't think I ever will. So so the world could hop off and get it, I don't have an ill wish towards you. I wish you the best, and if you ever need me I will always be here, you know how to reach me. So for the record, in my heart you will always be the big sister I never had.

Sex up my brain

Screw talking dirty, talk smart to me baby ♥

"Come on baby, let's fuck intellectual right now." ♥

Sunday, February 6, 2011

158

You think I am the one.............. no one has ever said that to me

157

Damn. .............................................. just damn

156

Angel, just played guitar and it made my day XD

155

On the phone with Angel, I forget how nice it is to talk to someone who gets me, no explaining needed.

154

I really like Twizzlers

153

AS I lift this three pound book to read it, I smile, I know the only reason I lift it to explore its pages is because once you mind wander through this world.

My true love

Is, and will always be words.

Ways to pass time: #16

Write a bucket list

My mood Today:

Extremely pensive, thinking long and hard about my future and whats right for me.

A Valid Question:

Why keep serving and feeding religions if they only tear this world apart?

152

I keep thinking this over and all I see is my life without my family. Can I really be happy that way?

Some more words

I am not afraid to say that I am afraid, I can pretend but I rather keep it real. I can sugar coat it but it doesn't make a bitter pill any sweeter. I could smile when I am sad but I rather let my emotions show. I have learned that its okay for things to be they way they are, it doesn't have to suck.It could be amazing what you learn in your moment of weakness, sometimes it will be more then you learn in moments of strength. The things that would pass you by if you spent all your time just holding on to false feelings of strength. Its okay to feel, its okay to cry. Its okay to learn that the only one buying the show you are putting on is people who don't care enough to peak behind the curtain.

So you can look at me and label me weak, moody, bitchy, unsure, fake, or whatever you think fits but at least I can say that I am true to who I am. Can you say that much?

At the moment :

Headed to lay down in my room and watch more Degrassi with mah little kitty ♥ Be Blogging later

151

I am excited for you to meet my family because you have the freedom to do that.

150

Let's go Steelers!!!!! Make my day :)

149

All this stress caused me to think and now I just feel lonely. Thanks.

1.4.8.

The Superbowl will always remind me of when I first went to your house.

Ways to Pass Time: #15

Make out

147

I feel mega connected to you. You truly are an amazing person.

Tips for a relationship: # 20

If some one asks you to explain yourself, don't catch attitude just explain it.

Mah sistah

Yesterday I had mucho fun with my little sistah. Bubble Tea and dumplings makes for a great day :D

146

Jean is awesome :D I am glad I ignored Bency and started to talk to him

145

You wanted me to admit that it hurts, so I did but that doesn't mean it won't be worth it in the end.

Words I wouldn't speak

I touch the pages and let my finger run across the empty lines, my mind sees the words that should be there. The words that would be, but I never pick up the pen, never let these thoughts fill those pages. Why? Because reading them would make them more real then ever and I can barley stay sane with them just floating about, its hard to deny what is in black and white. I can hear you asking me whats wrong and see your questioning look, I can't tell you. I can let you know that before you my world wasn't falling apart at the rate it seems to be now. As it crumble all I see is you fading, because you and I know, you would rather let me go, then tell me what ............................................I need to know