Turning Gears

{Thoughts are turning in my head and for once they don’t involve you. I feel light again though the months prior seem to slip though the cracks of my memory I don’t mind. In fact I down right don’t care. Let them go. Especially the parts I don’t like. Opening the door to the new me. The me that’s ready to heal and move on. Release all evil and embark on a new road. }

Do you hear it? The sweet sound of me letting you go. The wind blowing you as far as it can carry you away ^^. The sweet thunder as the sky banishes you from my world. The gears causing rust to fall from the sky as they move again. I dance in the puddles of tears I cried, the salt water causing the color in my jeans to fade. My wounds closing and the blood stopped dripping. The water changing back to its original color. My paradise restoring to its original beauty. The color are renewed, I seem to be who I once was. Pre-damaged me and I know this is the closest I will ever get to being whole again. So I embrace the rays of sun that seem to be parting the clouds. I will overcome all storms!

Scapegoat

People tend to place the blame on me. When I only do what I am asked to do. Oh I am sorry for wanting something for myself. How selfish of me. I forget I have only to think to you. Silly little me thinking I should put myself first for once. And you want to blame this all on me. Fuck that! This is your fault dumbass. You slipped up. Sure use me as the excuse because you fall for someone else. Well fuck you to mister I am perfect yet only human at the same time. Fuck you and you self righteous ass as you looked down on everyone who isn’t as wound as tight as you are. You and your ten foot pole that lodge in your ass. Smoking is wrong. Drinking is cruel come on everybody stay in school. Fuck you and your damn nursery rhyme bullshit. You loved us huh? Then how is it that we were so easy to let go of. Oh wait you still talk to Lilith. So you love her fine. But you still lied to me you piece of worthless shit. And you creep in every time I heal ripping the wound open from the inside. But now that I know the reason I can say I despise you and your foolish excuse. You and the bullshit that I know that you’re full of. You and you picture perfect happiness while I suffer because of you. Fuck it!!! I HATE YOU!!!!! Do me a favor and die. Die painfully. Oh look I am full of shit to because I can’t even mean that when I write it. Because as the day closes I still miss what we had. I miss our friendship they way I had someone to always turn to. But I always play the fool, the tool to somebody I always have always will. Everyone uses me as if they were doing me a favor. I have gone thorough pain for you all. And I do one FUCKING THING FOR ME AND I AM THE BAD GUY. ALL OF A FUCKING SUDDEN NO ONE CAN FORGIVE ANYMORE BECAUSE THAT’S MY FUCKING JOB RIGHT! WELL FUCK YOU!!! FUCK YOU!!! AND FUCK YOU ONCE FUCKING MORE! Screw everything you have ever said. Screw the lies, the sweet talk, the nicknames, the laughs, your face, your voice, you and everything. SCREW 1/13/07 – 5/10/08 EVERY FUCKING DAY IN FUCKING BETWEEN, EVERY SECOND THAT YOU WERE MY “BEST FRIEND”. EVERY MILISECOND WASTED ON YOU AND YOU’RE LIESSSSS!!!!! D: SCREW YOUR WEAK SHIT AND THE FACT THAT YOU’RE A MAN. SCREW YOU FOR MAKING ME CRY, SCEARM AND DIE ON THE INSIDE. PROM LOL WHAT A REASON WHAT A FUCKING REASON. FUCK STRIGHT EDGE I AM GOING TO LIVE ON THE EDGE TEETHER OFF EVERY NOW AND THEN JUST TO BE ANYTHING BUT YOU. STUIPD LITTLE GIRLS MAKE BOYS THEIR AGES THE ROLE MODELS. STUIPD FUCKING ME!!! I WILL HAVE A NICE A LIFE THANK YOU FOR WISHING ME ONE. I AM DONE CRYING!!! I AM DONE CARING!! FUCK EVERYONE IN THE END I ONLY HAVE ME!

Withering Gardens

Withering Gardens
Welcome to my garden. All is beginning to wither. I touch it and it withers in my hand. It browns as if I suck the life out of it. The flower petals dropping to the floor like sweat beads after you run from your nightmares. Secrets stop the sun from shining in and lies wrap around me like vines do an old house. They squeeze so tight that breathing is impossible yet death feels like something you can’t obtain despite that lack of oxygen flowing to your brain. Snakes slither around your feet like the sneaks they are. Their hisses sounding more like the mocking laughter of the cruel children who picked on you as a child. Darkness so thick that you can’t see the cruel faces that is right in front of you. Monsters lurk in every corner trying to tear you down and strip you of whatever happiness you have left. They whisper of your demise and make you believe there words. They make you think it is truly the end of the world instead of a new start.They fill your mind with evil thoughts and twisted tales.They suck all the goodness from your life. So beware all who enter my garden.

Let’s count

Let’s count the tears I have cried over the last six months. Let us count the nights I woke up screaming in false hope that it would some how reach your ears despite our distant. It is always you. You are always in my heart not matter how many times I try to banish you. Like a snake you slither back in. Each time you leave you take another piece of me. Leaving me an empty hopeless shell of who I used to be.

Pain so deep that it even hurts to laugh, a smile is forced and painful. It feels like I am waiting at death’s doorstep and instead of death killing me you are. I stare at your empty cold eyes shocked that it’s really you.

What happened to your gentleness? What happened to the sweet lies you told? What happened to my ignorant bliss? What happened to my trust?

Let me tell you what happened my eyes weren’t opened no the lids were cut off by the shaky hands of a boy I called best friend. This boy should win an Oscar his lies tricked the best of us. His words lured you into a sense of security.

Beware the beauty of his words. Beware the way he builds you up. The way he tears you down and laughs as you fall. The fall will hurt and the air around you will seem to be on his side forcing against your lungs making it hard to breathe. The tears will fall with out you being aware of them.

So your stuck staring into the eyes of your demise and wishing for nothing more then for it to all be over.