They way I want my life to be more like: (Party!)

Last Friday night!!

185

I am angry at no one. I refuse to care the poison of bitterness, malice or hate. I am glad for every person who was in my life, I learned from all of you.

#183

Every second spent with you, I am happier, and more free then before.

......

Ish changes, you just have to learn how to ride with it.

Soul Eater

Is EPIC!!!!! the end

The king may be a creeper, but I likes me some bk C: nom nom nom nom yum

Tips for a relationship: #22

Always show you appreciate your loved one.

Fact:

All the crazies want to be my friend lol :D

Ways to pass time: #20

Social Networking [Twitter] is a good way to pass the time

#182

I keep hearing my mom's voice, do something that scares you.....everyday

#181

Sometimes the past creepers up on me and taps me on the shoulder and I acknowledge it, say its nice to see you, then I tell it I have places to go. Because I have no time to dwell in what happened because there is to much for me to do in the whats happening.

how I got here

I am not sure how I got here, I am going to admit time flies. These people has trickled into my life and I have grown fond of them. Solomon, Jarrel, Sam, Kyle, Pochan and even my new built relationship with my oldest friend Raahachan. It is so nice, to be able to call Harvey and take a ride in Dante with no destination in mind and just talk about life. I couldn't be happier with my life, but the best part, the best part is you ♥. My baybee. I am glad that I am here and I get to continue to unfold as a person and build a life with you. :D ♥

:)

I am now applying to my dream school :D go me

Like he says

Its time to make a decision with my life.

Its been a while

I have been busy and I haven't been on blogger or online for that matter in while. I have been focused on writing in my notebooks and my mom uses the computer a lot more so when I get my monitor or laptop I will be good :D. I am excited for everything that is coming up but first is the open mic so I can't wait to see the performances, I love it as much as performing. ♥ I am very happy today :D

:DDDDD

My boyfriend is amazing and I am overwhelmed with happiness for him...baybee I am proud of you.

180

I had so much fun last night ♥ Good times :D

179

I don't know who I got 1000 and something reads but its all cool with me :} Thank guys ♥

1...7.....8

Lol Zack & Cody make me laugh

177

Freaking addictive websites lol I have to sigh off now.......now......:P

I wish I could sleep

My eyes are wide open and I don't want to move from this chair. I haven't started my vibe stuff but at the moment I really don't want to. All this disturbance caused because in 25 mins I make fours months with you but I can't get over what I feel now.

176

Reading all these stupid, all star bs, tweets and status makes me want to scream and tear out my hair.

........................175

You don't even know me well enough to differentiated personalities.............it kind of makes me sad. & Then I look like a moody bitch. I kind of thought you did.

174

Today was a waste of time an now I can't stop crying :{

173

I wish I could describe the butterflies in my stomach but I can always just mention them and you can getthe idea.

Not sure 172

I am not really sure why the thought of a charm bracelet triggered this mornings tangent but I though t it was nice to be able to share it with you.

171

I wonder whats your weirdest and kinkiest sexual fantasy.

170

I wonder what it was like growing up without birthday parties.

Ways to pass time: #19

Plan a dream trip

Tips for a relationship: #22

Never fake anything with someone, it doesn't benefit you.

Dreams of Us: #9

Surges, unrealistic needs to always be touching you. Hands squeeze your tighter and you squeeze back, and I keep staring straight ahead. I hear them tell us about the mission and the only words I make out is, "might not make it out alive of this one." Something about the way he said it made me worry, you shot him a cocky smile and say "You always say that." I wish I could have that same amount of confidence, something about this job makes me stomach flip. You grab the file and pull me out the office, "We will be fine." You smile at me reassuringly and give me a kiss. "We are the best, that's why they call us for the tough stuff." You look at me, willing your confidence to be mine. I smile at you and place my hand on your cheek, "I know." That was enough for you to look out the glass window and smiled. "When we get back we will take a trip to a nice place, maybe Aruba." We step onto the elevator and glance the building for what felt like the last time and every time before that. Break into the Buckingham palace and get the papers about our government, I shake my head. Europe doesn't like us, not after last time. We walk up to the private jet and are hands are intertwined. The surges fill me again, I want to wrap myself in your arms and never leave. "We have a job to do" you lean to my ear and say. I look into your eyes knowing that whatever happens, I will be with you at the end of the day.

My show (169)

It seems to be writing itself but of course it is as personal as I knew it would be. So each line I write is a conversation I have had with god before, and trust me it ain't pretty.

one......six.........eight

I may be weird but I really don't think your romantic.

Realization {167}

Everyday we get closer and closer. I don't really think there is anything I haven't told you. {If I haven't its because I don't remember it and I need it to be triggered by something.} I do know this, there is no one I trust more then you.

Man I miss (166) ▬↨↑↓→←∟↔

I miss having a pen pal.

Stating the obvious (165)

I love it that mah little sistah comes over everyday after school. I hope high school doesn't make her grow out of being close with me.

Tips for a relationship: #21

Saying what you feel, no matter how stupid it is, is never really stupid. Your feelings matter and your thoughts.

Ways to pass time: #18

Listen to old songs you liked when you were younger.

:O 164

I almost forgot how much I enjoy Lupe Fiasco.

Superstar ☼

I used to perfect everything I did, so when I was a superstar the camera would never catch me looking ew doing anything. I used to eat like a porn star, walk like a model and always dress in my best. I wanted the world to watch me in awe and desire to be me. I want the life of glamor, the camera flashes, the parties and the envy. Then I grew up and I realized, with great power comes great responsibleness and no private life whats so ever. I knew not all my friends would make it to the top and I didn't want to question ho was there just to cash in on my love to spend cash. The need to be a superstar faded but my light still glows.

Another silly little fact (163)

I guess hip hop isn't that bad, or is it that when I listen to it I think of you. Either way I am still listening it.

162: Questions for thought

I wonder, if no matter what we go through would you still be by my side?

Let the good times roll

[Intro]
I'm gonna make it bend and break
(It sent you to me without wait)
Say a prayer, but let the good times roll
In case God doesn't show...
(Let the good times roll)
(Let the good times roll)

I can't help but hear that repeat over and over in my head. Every time I talk to god, I feel like I am talking to someone who long ago turned a deaf ear. Let I am spitting out words to the ceiling and the mirror stares at me with pity. My doubts in voice of an old friend, my fear of a nothing after death fill my chest with panic. To become nothing, a like you never existed, the thought terrifies me. So does the thought of my friends and I being separated after life, that the part of me that holds on to god with all its got, is right. Which do I fear more is the question and hat has got me so mucked up that my faith is slipping through my finger tips like grains of sand I can't hold on to. My hands run through my hair, I can't stop this word play with my prayers. There has got to be someone who can help clear it all up but I am to tight lipped to ask.

Verse 2
Been looking forward to the future
But my eyesight is going bad
And this crystal ball
It's always cloudy except for
(Except for)
When you look into the past
(Look into the past)
One night stand...
(One night stand, oh)

Oh

Rain trickles on the roof and you can hear each drop. It is hot insides, the build up of way to many cold days and closed windows. Its stuff, hard to breath, panting like you have a stuffy nose and you ran to fast. The rain comes down harder, any plans to leave faded with the weather. You let you hands run over the carpet, feeling the bristles under your hand. You clench your fist shut and pull, handful of carpet pieces and a smile on your face. The rain is sooting and drowning out the sound of your thoughts, you close your eyes and imagine the feel of the cold drops against your flustered hot skin. The thought causes you to shiver, and bite your lip to fit the string of tears. Legs quaking and you find a piece of the carpet you haven't pulled at yet. Hands searching, mind blank and breathing heavy. Closer. Yes, it seem as if you are closer to the edge and when you go to peer over you fall. Wind blowing and adrenalin pumping, you close you eyes and just feel. Then oh, you are brought back to firm ground and you go back to listening to the rain fade. You stare at your ceiling waiting for another rainy day.

THE CRACKS IN MY ARMOR

I got tired of suiting up so one day I walked out without my armor.I got tried of being safe, it felt to comfortable and some times I just want to squirm in my seat, that's why I always liked change. The sick feeling in my stomach reminding me that I am alive, I get thrills from being in a situation I can't get out of. (not a bad one) I got tried of lugging around that tons of bullshit that only slowed me down from where I wanted to be. So the cracks that lay on the armor doesn't matter because I discarded it on the floor.

161

So this is me totally brainstorming.......not really lol I guess i should have warned you my creativity is spazz-tasict lol no controlling it :P

Ways to pass time: #17

Play online games :)

Dreams of Us: #8

Hands hold tight to the Mic and your hand covers mine to calm me. You smile and I smile back but it looks more like a nervous grimace. You start speaking the opening of our duet poem, my response comes without much thought. Your eyes stay locked on mine. You tell me that its hard for you to see a life without me, I response with its impossible. You say you see no way around it and I cry and say I can feel it in every kiss. I forget the crowd is there and the words I wrote, now I am just reacting in the moment to what you said. Your eyes flash a briefly hurt look , you say every kiss is lace with love and I said every kiss holds a taste of sorrow. My attention is captured by a voice in the crowd, someone saying love conquers all. I look at you and repeat it. I love you, may not be poetic but its the truth. The crowd aws and claps but my eyes never leave yours.

l6o

I am exhausted, but it was worth it to finally say what I never told you before.

159

Could it be that this year I actually get to have a real Valentine's day?

Not the stalker filled kind?

Or the kind where I break up with my boyfriend, the day of, for being an complete ass?

Maybe I shouldn't hope for much but I can't help but be excited. Let's face it, he can't do worse then those days.

I wonder what I should get him lol

Setting The Record Straight

I don't hate you, not even close, I don't think I ever will. So so the world could hop off and get it, I don't have an ill wish towards you. I wish you the best, and if you ever need me I will always be here, you know how to reach me. So for the record, in my heart you will always be the big sister I never had.

Sex up my brain

Screw talking dirty, talk smart to me baby ♥

"Come on baby, let's fuck intellectual right now." ♥

158

You think I am the one.............. no one has ever said that to me

157

Damn. .............................................. just damn

156

Angel, just played guitar and it made my day XD

155

On the phone with Angel, I forget how nice it is to talk to someone who gets me, no explaining needed.

154

I really like Twizzlers

153

AS I lift this three pound book to read it, I smile, I know the only reason I lift it to explore its pages is because once you mind wander through this world.

My true love

Is, and will always be words.

Ways to pass time: #16

Write a bucket list

My mood Today:

Extremely pensive, thinking long and hard about my future and whats right for me.

A Valid Question:

Why keep serving and feeding religions if they only tear this world apart?

152

I keep thinking this over and all I see is my life without my family. Can I really be happy that way?

Some more words

I am not afraid to say that I am afraid, I can pretend but I rather keep it real. I can sugar coat it but it doesn't make a bitter pill any sweeter. I could smile when I am sad but I rather let my emotions show. I have learned that its okay for things to be they way they are, it doesn't have to suck.It could be amazing what you learn in your moment of weakness, sometimes it will be more then you learn in moments of strength. The things that would pass you by if you spent all your time just holding on to false feelings of strength. Its okay to feel, its okay to cry. Its okay to learn that the only one buying the show you are putting on is people who don't care enough to peak behind the curtain.

So you can look at me and label me weak, moody, bitchy, unsure, fake, or whatever you think fits but at least I can say that I am true to who I am. Can you say that much?

At the moment :

Headed to lay down in my room and watch more Degrassi with mah little kitty ♥ Be Blogging later

151

I am excited for you to meet my family because you have the freedom to do that.

150

Let's go Steelers!!!!! Make my day :)

149

All this stress caused me to think and now I just feel lonely. Thanks.

1.4.8.

The Superbowl will always remind me of when I first went to your house.

Ways to Pass Time: #15

Make out

147

I feel mega connected to you. You truly are an amazing person.

Tips for a relationship: # 20

If some one asks you to explain yourself, don't catch attitude just explain it.

Mah sistah

Yesterday I had mucho fun with my little sistah. Bubble Tea and dumplings makes for a great day :D

146

Jean is awesome :D I am glad I ignored Bency and started to talk to him

145

You wanted me to admit that it hurts, so I did but that doesn't mean it won't be worth it in the end.

Words I wouldn't speak

I touch the pages and let my finger run across the empty lines, my mind sees the words that should be there. The words that would be, but I never pick up the pen, never let these thoughts fill those pages. Why? Because reading them would make them more real then ever and I can barley stay sane with them just floating about, its hard to deny what is in black and white. I can hear you asking me whats wrong and see your questioning look, I can't tell you. I can let you know that before you my world wasn't falling apart at the rate it seems to be now. As it crumble all I see is you fading, because you and I know, you would rather let me go, then tell me what ............................................I need to know

144

Not really in s blogging mood. I will try again later.

143

Now I am super stressed out because I know they won't leave it alone. I really don't see why it matters. I am just respecting a decision and tried of fighting for something that only seemed to matter to one of us.

!42

Is it wrong that for once, I rather someone come to me?

141

To sick and tried to be creative...sorry lol :} well more blogs that Will Be awesome tomorrow.

oneforty

Black and white pictures are the coolest :)

Tips for a relationship: # 19

Don't be afraid to ask questions.

Ways to Pass Time: #15

Take web cam pictures or make videos

Ways to Pass Time: #14

Bother your friends or siblings :)

To my love

TEACH ME HOW TO USE tumblr , thank you :) (lol you probably expected something romantic.)

1...............3 (x3=) 9

Little Big Planet two is so freaking awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!

February

Happy February :). Counting down the days till the fourteenth because it will mean something to me this year ♥

......................

I wonder how long till this makes me blow up or leave. I really don't want either.

138

Heartbreak is sad but never loving someone is way sadder.

☻Random☺

Smileys are fun.

When I put ☺♥☻ Together is represents me and mah baybee. I wanted to randomly share that.

137##################

I am determined for us to spend one day without ness just talking and hanging!!!!!! (but we can make out of course)

uno3six

I kept rereading this one page in your rhyme book and it has inspired me to fill up six pages in my book. O_O I haven't written longhand in a while.

1...............3...................5

When I first met my little sister I was like, I don't know about this. When I stopped to get to know here a realized how awesome she is. I love my little sister.

#134

Today, I was like, dear lord if I die today like it be right now in the moment of pure body joydom ♥

Ways to Pass time: #13♥

Look up superstitions.

Twentyeleven so far

SO far this year has been great. I wish I could describe the quite contentedness I have felt these first 31 days. I have been blessed with a wonderful boyfriend. A great extended family, new people in my life to create lasting friendships with. A new chance with vibe, I even auditioned for something outside of vibe for once. I am loving 2011 and I know only more wonderful, great, empowering thing are yet to come. ♥

Tip for a relationship #18

Always keep your partner on their toes. Don't be afaird to shock them.

Dreams of us: #7

I am standing behind a tree, breathing hard, shirt soak through and sticking to my body. I hear and twig crack and I cover my mouth with my hand, to stifle a giggle. I lean quietly to peak and I see you facing the other way, I point my water gun at you and bam, soaked back you turn and return fire. I am giggling and shooting you back, our clothes soaked through, thank god it was a scorcher outside. I feel the Sun blazing on my skin making the once cold shirt warm. I run to you and tackle you to the ground, a rare moment when you are caught off guard and actually fall. Maybe you just do it to amuse me. We are laughing so hard we are in tears and we roll onto the grass, not caring if it stains our shirts. I propped up and give you a quick kiss. I ask who won, but neither of us kept score so we shrugged and let the sun dry us before going in the house for lunch.

#133

I am in pain....but it was worth it :)

132

Lately, i have been getting scared of losing you, or him resurfacing.

Ways to pass time: #12

Read the newspaper.

131

Degrassi is super addicting and sometimes I can relate.

130

I miss you having a phone because now you seem to busy to talk to me.

129

My mom is currntly bitching about earrings >.> wow women...annoying much

128

I love spending time with my little sister

127

I seriously need a laptop

126

I really really want to make out right now.

Passion filled Kisses

Our lips meld against each other. The heat surging through my body is enough to flush my cheeks. Your hand is on the back of my head pushing me closer. My heart is pounding against my chest, you press my harder against the wall and I ignore whatever pain may come with that. I lean more into you, and some how we still haven't become one person. You pull away slightly and breath heavily and passionately. You look at me eyes filled with passion and I can see the desire brimming in them. For amount times stops and it is only us, you lean back in slowly, eyes never leaving mine. Then you lower them to my lips, lick your and bite my lip. Then we are at it again.

French

I am sure, someone has wonder about my obsession with french. Well its simple , I was first introduced to the language at eight. In a super fancy after school program, at first I hated the fact that I had to learn this language, that at the time that I thought I would never use. Then the teacher spoke, the rhythm of the word had my transfixed. She smiled and said soon would we all be fluent in the language. Her speaking it made her beautiful, I wanted nothing more then to speak the language that made this plain women seem beautiful to me. I became consumed by it, I was the top student. My parents were proud but upset because I had no urge for Spanish. I was to busy being in love with French. Then I was pulled from the program and I was forced to pressure Spanish. My heart was broken but I let it go. In high School, I met two French guys who spoke little English. The kind of cute one smiled and said I was beautiful in French and my heart flutter. He was suddenly sexy. I told him I would teach him English if he taught me French. I was immersed again, in the beauty of the words and how they sound. Then he went back to France, and I lost it again. But my love for it never died. That's why I love it because it was like poetry to my ears. When a man does it, it makes it a turn on ;]. Well, there you go.

125

I am listening to in the morning ......*sighs*

onetwofour

Time seems to be moving at human paces, it feels nice.

1,2,3

I wrote in my notebook today, I haven't done that in a while, it felt great.

122

Serisouly? A new power rangers >.> *sighs*

Hmmm

I wonder if you are thinking about me right now? (10:58 pm)

#121

I don't know how I feel about me not meeting you 'rents. *shrugs* I really didn't want to admit that.

When our eyes meet. (120)

When our eyes meet in an intense gaze my body heats up. I can feel my blood boil and my body yearn for your touch. For your hands to travel my body with an intense eagerness, that makes me want press closer against you. Your lips pressed against my mouth, makes me sigh with pleasure and the way you body feels pinning mines against a wall causing my heart to pound until it feels like it will burst in my chest. The way my arms wrap around your neck without me thinking makes me smile. I never want to break this kiss, never want to end this embrace because each time we do, I anticipate the next one.

Dreams of us: #6

I dream of winged people, but when I shake my back feathers fall off. You grab my hand as we stand on a cliff and I look at you, and you have wings to. You face is full of panic, I can see the worry in your eyes and I am afraid. I have never seen you worried before. "Hurry up." You tug on my arm as you jump, spreading you wings on the descent, I turn around demon are bearing grins as the run to try and catch me. I jump without thinking, wings spread like second nature soaring past you. You catch up, in the blink of an eye. "How did they find us?" I say over the wind that is wiping my hair back. You shrug, I know all that matters now is how we get rid of them. I spin downward to the trees, you don't question me, you follow, we are holding each other as we enter the trees. We land silently and I pull a sword from in between my shoulder blades. In glows a light blue hue, you smile, knowing that this means we will fight. You square you shoulder and grin like a madman with the opportunity to kill you captures. I kiss you, the kiss was so filled with passion I feared the trees would catch fire from the intensity of it. You pull back, the mix of desire and violence in your eyes makes me want to scar you body with my nails as our bodies climax in intense pleasure. I have to turn away before I let the lust for your body take over my mind. The hilt of my sword felt cool in my hands, the weight familiar and the power in my body,.exhilarating. I could feel my heart pound sweet adrenaline through my body. I pull my wings in to keep them from being marred. The first demon is on you before I have had the chance to notice, you pull his arm from his body, blood that looks like inks pulls from its body as it shrieks in pain. I smile momentarily before turning and swinging my blade into the neck of an approaching abomination. I hear the crack of bone under my blade and give a wicked grin, I think to myself, who said angels can't have fun. We keep dealing death like a fresh hand of cards to losers at a poker game; with grin broad because we know that we will win. When the slaughter is over and our bodies are covered in the ink that is the enemy's blood, you grab me and kiss me deeply. You tear my already tore clothes away and throw onto the ground. Thrusting yourself into me like an animal with no control, the pain shooting throw my body and it hurts as much as it is pleasing me. I dig my nails deep into the flesh that line you spine. You wings wrapped as a cocoon, our cries of pleasure filling the air causing the birds to fly away. Our juices mixing with the blood of the freshly dead as we climax. We smile and look into each others eyes, I love you were exchanged, then we sleep the sleep of warriors but we dream the dreams of lovers. ♥

Tip for a relationship #17

Always be honest, lies making things worse & 99.9% of the time, you get caught.

Ways to Pass time #11

Make lists :D

-__- 119

I hard to find ways to make this number tittle thing interesting.

118

I still read your blogs............

__........__117

I like my blogs better when I add a picture.