#29

>_> Its early as hell

#28

I have never felt so sure in my love for someone

Two of the seven things I need to know from you (#27)

I need you to believe that me and you are here to stay. Power couple of the century.

#26

I always miss you and when we are together I always wish I could make the moment last forever

Plainly Beautiful.

I have mt eyes fixed on the boy with the dark skin and slick tongue. I have my sights trained on the boy with the sweet laughter and a way with words. See he has captivated me in his plain beauty and I can't seem to get enough of the boy with the unique name and a quick rhyme. He has a way with women, at least that's what they say, but he isn't smooth just awkward enough to be considered cute. He captivates me with his inability to put his thoughts in words unless there is a rhythm to them. I can see into his eyes and his soul speaks to me and I am stuck in the plain beauty of the eternity I can see with this boy. This plain boy who at first glance looks like every other but when you get past the surface there is no other. No other boy with the dark skin and ability to make me want to bring him into my pages and let him see words no other eyes but mine have bestowed. I am at a lost, this plainly beautiful now seem extraordinary and it is scary how much I would do to keep this beauty by my side. This boy is the one who I crave forever and more with. This boy is the beginning to an end. This boy, my boy is the reason I wake up and smile because I get to call this boy my love, my baybee, my boyfriend ♥

#25

I want to be perfect for you. Being perfect is hard.

Dear Shamar.

Dear Shamar,

I am thinking about you as I pace, hands frozen, on my porch. I am writing you a letter you will never recevie but i can't find Heaven's address and the people at 411 think I am crazy. You were the glue that held our family togehter, and it seems that the effects of that glue is waering off. See we have been falling apart since you were recruited to God's big band in the sky. Ariel that he didn't care about us...or the room. People stopped showing up and even talking shit and almost got our home taking away from us. David keeps changing and even Harvey is questioning him. Harvey is leaving.


( I just couldn't finish this)

#24

I feel like you are only with me till you find something better.

23

I am always thinking about you and wishing we were together and it kind of scares me because it hasn't even been a month yet =/

#22

I will do anthing to keep you forever expect one thing........and I am already considering do that too =/

My extact thoughts.

Atm: Fuck you

Number 20

The music room isn't the same without you.

#21: I had a crush on you

#19

I let my nails grow long so I am dig them into people's skin.

#18

No one has ever inspired me as much as you.

Bedsheets.

I let my imagination takes us to crisp white bedsheets, your hand is trailing up my inner thigh and I quiver. I open my month to protest by you tongue is following your fingertips and my voice is caught in my throat. I can feel the warmth of your breath against me and my heart starts to pounds. I am trying to think of reason to get your eyes back on mine when you tongue traces me and I forgot the words I was thinking. My thoughts become clouded by the thought of you inside of me. I am moaning because my words had betrayed me, the left my lips in broken up, panted syllabus. My attempts to get you to stop only have you eager for more.
My legs are shaking, my toes are curling and my mind is on fucking you. I can feel myself becuming a part of you. You start working your way back up on me and I can feel you pressed against me. You are dying to be inside me and I am open and ready for entry. You slide in and I feel whole again, just like the last time we were loving. I am literally empty between the time when we are dressed and when you slip yourself into me. This isn't sex baybee what we are doing in poetry, and they said we could only do this shit verbally. We are reaching the peak, this is better then verbal Ecstasy. Seeing how high we can go you increase the speed, word spilling onto the sheets, mixing with the rest of you and me. When we through you hold me in your arms and you rest your head on me. The bedsheets are crumbled and still white despite the to fact that we just got dirty.

Damn my imagination keeps running wild on me.

The beauty in your body ♥

My hands traces you back, I can feel the imperfections in your skin. They make me tingle. Your lips against my neck like the softest rose petals. The way you hand feels against my flesh causing goose bumps to rise where you just touched. I look into your eyes I see the imperfection their and I can't help but smile. The scar on your leg shaped like a heart is so beautiful, my legs shake. You touch me and my body forget that its mine, it just wants to belong to you. It wants to belongs to the brown skin that's wraps every inch of who you are. The way your lashes frame your eyes keeps my heart pounding at rapid paces as you approach me. The way you tongue feels while its tracing my neck causing me to shiver with the anticipation of your next move, oh while I can't help but admire you. You body holds a beauty to great to describes so I let my hands do the talking and hope you can see how much I appreciate that beauty.

One of the seven things I need from you. (17)

I want to strip your layers away like an onion and get to the core of who you are.

Just another Confession.

I don't know what you bring out of me but I love it ♥

Random, Raw, Rant.

Kill the creativity, its strangled under your chockehold. [Man, cupid's chockehold is a pretty cool song. ]MY life went from being a lonely loner [Tee hee Kid Cudi] to occupation single mom [=O No I don't have kids] Running around trying to get all this shit right but its still not enough for you at the end of the night. My flaws are just to fatal to our relationship, so I watch as old images of you and I slip. Trapped between who I am and who I need to be. Between a student and a sit home mommy. Yet when I want to discipline my bother I can't cause he isn't my son. I have never been enough to be something you appercaited and now I am just a little girl who recently got jaded. Image downgrade because I yearned to be happy. Now that I have a life you pull me back because me living my life seems to be a sin. I will tell you a story thru the tears I have cried trying to figure out when my teens years up and died. But why should you care you have it made. A babysitter who is always on call and no need to get paid. I am husseling to leave where I am at at two like its prime time and my favorite show is about to be on t.v. But who cares you have other things to to. But tell me when Did I stop being me and became a single mom version of you? Salt water leaking form my eyes is the closet thing I have to expressing how I feel but I feel the weight of your foot on my neck so I am stressing. But all that matters to you is my grades and my commitment to you. Forget Stephanie lets Focus on the impersonal shit.

[This isn't really related to each other, even if it seems that way...just random thoughts and blah, I also wrote this last friday]

Cell Phone Diaries

I little white lied my way to the top of the bottom. The only way to get any higher is to sleep my way up, but I rather be down her and attempt to claw my way through the masses of bodies then degrade myself to upgrade my image. But can I make it through the slick crevices of the sweaty over worked masses? Can I make it past the labels and all the haunted pasts? Can I move passed the privileged and the men who just have it easy? Or will I be stuck down here suffocating under the sweat filled ambitions and fallen dreams? I dig my nails into the flesh of the halfway there and climb past the falling bodies that are slipping into despair. You have to fight if you want to make in this fucked up world. Its not about the fame of the fortune I just need fresh air to breath. Instead of the toxic fumes that once used to be human dreams. I can't take breathing in this sadness and destruction. I need to make it to the tip this mountain so I dig my heels in so I won't slip when I make it. I little white lied my way to the top of the bottom but what will it take to get to the very top of the heap? How much am I willing to let go?

[ I wrote this last Thursday night...11/4/2010]

Angry thoughts.

I want top be a prick not unlike a needle causing small punctures in your skin. I want to be dick ramming you until you scream to get rid of me. I want let loose on you and fuck you over , walk out the door and never call you. I want to be a cunt teasing you with a taste of me going hard till it hurts for me then walk away gracefully. I want to be a cynic tell you all your dreams are just make believe and watch as you look for hope aimlessly. I want to be your worst nightmare haunting you horribly while your nights are filled with me causing a lost of sleep, while you stay up and think of me, as your heart pounds for me.I want to let loose on you verbally and watch as you lose track because you can't keep up with me. I want to belittle you till you can't reach the key anymore like Alice so close to the floor that if I pick up my foot I will crush you in ways I would never allow you to do to me. Let go of the lies and rape you with the truth this is sodomy. Can't call the cops because I slip them some green and now they are kind to me. Because nothing talks like the green paper that paints and corrupts our cities. I want to tear you apart limb from limb and watch your blood pool and hope its enough for me to take a swim. I want you to yearn for me because no one can kiss your lips with a bite so hard that it breaks flesh like me. I want you to cry for me let those tears roll down your cheeks because they are clear reminders of your feeling for me and that I treat you like the shit, like a prick that I am meant to be. I want you to love me because even though I smile at you evilly and have you knelt over praying to god for him to get through to me I still love you with a taste of hate on my lips. I still love the way your flesh feels after every hit , bruised by the knowledge that I am over you but I won't let you get over me because pay back is a bitch and your about to win the lottery. You lied to me. I want to the voice in your head that nags you you till the day are dead. I want to do a lot of fucked up things but instead I look my side and I see my man standing there and I remember why I should be a better me and not let you know that you can still faze m.e. So instead I will say I want to be a greater me, smart, successful and full of brutal honesty and I will let the record show that this me no longer needs you. I have a new source of love and it already taste better then your love ever tasted to me.



[I don't remember when I wrote this I think it was last Friday morning all I know is that I was pissed as hell.]

Thoughts that Run wild.

I sit in my room leg crossed in the middle of this chaotic mess and cry. The thought of ever seeing you holding another’s ripped into my brain and tears into my heart. Pretty little pictures of forever tainted by the knowledge of our differences. I sit, and my heart heaves and cries out with the heavy burden of loving you. But none of it matters because I don’t plan on losing you. Not because I love you so much that thought makes me want to breathe in my tears and drown my lungs in sorrow but because I have made you the sun in my universe and nothing on my earth can live without the sun. I feel attacked, my thoughts swarming me and showing me a future without you. I crumple into a heap on the floor. STOP!!! I can’t stop the thoughts, can’t stop her from telling me I will never be enough for you. That my pale skin and brown eyes are just to plain for your beauty. That my words fall short of the perfection that you require. That I am just another girl in your world who will fade with time. But I can’t see you fading for my life, like a scar if you go I will wear the reminder forever. This tears won’t be the only thing to proclaim my lose. I love you. But will those three little words be enough to keep you, the center of it all, by my side. Have I been foolish, to allow you to be what no other has. Have I been stupid, to have let myself open up to you drastically. To them they see month of time with you be I see an eternity, shrunk to fit the days of man. My guard has been lowered and whatever walls there were seem to be gone and I am standing exposed in a room full of strangers but when I spot you I am fine. You, I can’t lose you. My thoughts trail back to the painful dark alley my mind seems to want to take. I see your life without me, the beauty of your wife and you house that is a shrine to your marriage. I can’t see my life without you, and I have tried but it’s like walking in a dark alley at midnight, only darkness stretches ahead of me. You, I have invested too much in you and I fear a crash in the market. I will lose it all if I lose you. I wish I was being dramatic but it’s something I feel within the depths of my soul. You were made for me, woven form the same fabric of words that God made me in. Destiny, just a word until I met you and your presence had an effect on me. Drawn to the boy with the notebook in hand, carelessly wandering into this world I was not ready for. This love is so strong I wonder how we carry it but it more then just temporary high like with the others, I can feel the tree of my life plant its roots inside your love for me. The tree is growing and so is my fear because the more I give to you the more I know my life without you is impossible. No amount of shoulders to cry on would keep me from needing you. Not in a creepy clingy way just in a way I can’t describe. Losing you would be like finding out how to walk but losing the ability to move. The idea of it all keeps me laying on my floor the dark room keeping my tears from being seen. I muffle my cries by biting into my skin and even though I bleed it doesn’t compare to this horrible scene. Your holding her hand and you say you love her too and as you say those words I can hear my heart respond to you, please don’t go it cries out into the distance but you can’t hear it because you let me go. And I am left on this floor with nothing else but my love for you and puddle full of tears. Because I love you but I need to last for more then a few years.

#14

I used to wish I was a boy till I was like ewww they suck too

# 13 ♥

I have never missed a single person this much in my life

#12

Me and my best friend used to be tough.......now we are cheesy and girly +P

Watching you go.

I got up and stared into you eyes, & I got lost in them like I always do. We kissed and I felt a tenderness fill my heart to the brim with love. Then you were opening the door and walking out and my heart ached. I had a powerful urge to cry, to run after you hug you from behind and tell you not to leave. Instead I stood and smiled a sad smile as you blew me a kiss. I stood there my heart feeling heavy for a minute. I know its notthe last time I will see you but I can't stop the ache. I miss you more then before...........damn he is going to make me fall in love.