The boy who caused the nightmares in the hell of 2009, has damaged me in ways that can not be repaired. I am no longer angry with him nor do I harbor any emotion at all towards him, though at brief moments I miss him :/. He has created this distrust in me that has yet to wash away. This lack of faith in love and people that still stains my skin. His words sometimes echo in my head, I still have some old text he sent. I have yet to muster up the heart to delete them.
You were not all bad dear boy. No, we had moments of joy that surpasses most. In the month that marks a year of the horrors you committed my thoughts flee to you. Without my control I seem to smile at some of the things you once said. The jokes you told me will fill my head and I will space out and giggle as if I heard them for the first time. Oh destroyer of joy, the debt you own to me has not been paid.
Dear boy, oh dear boy, as you can see your sins did not go unpunished. You didn't get off scotch free. I wonder, do you regret the things you did to me. The words you said, the lies you told. Because of you dear boy I could barely trust for a while secrets stayed locked up in my chest and caged in my mind. The effects seems to be wearing off dear boy. But alas the memories lingers, still tainting songs, books, words even the air I breathe.
Dear boy, I know it bothers you none but my heart
has forgiven you. For the most part, I no longer want to dig my fingers into your skin to tear and rip away at you. I no longer want to make you hurt the way I did. Dear Boy, I write this so you can know all has be forgiven, but has yet to be forgotten. Oh dear boy the fool you have been, I need not to do anything because you are made yourself suffer.
Soon his damage will fade.
Sighhhh, and I know too well.
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