Acting

Now a days, just the word terrifies me. I don't know why. I mean I am not bad. I actually good, I even think I act better then I write, which says a lot but I am still scared at the thought. Just try out, they tell me, who could it hurt. No one really, I am just to scared to even try. Not even scared they will say no, at this point i don't care. I just wish I had enough courage to show up and audition -__-. I don't know how I even talked myself into auditioning for our lady. I mean I wasn't scared I was just like lets do this *shrugs*. I had the at least I know I tried attitude. Now, it like *bites lip* you want me to try. Um mm I don't know about that, I mean and out pours the excuses, I have got millions. I am sure I can think of really valid and convincing ones too. Damn it, how the hell did I get this way??? I mean seriously I used to crave the stage, now I am to scared to taste the spotlight on my face. How I miss its intense heat, the opening night butterflies, the feel of success when the coward cheers and its all over. The bittersweet feeling of the last show. Damn it, I am getting all jittery again, what happened to my love for my art? What happened to my breathtaking commitment to it? Fuck. I just don't get how I created this fear, I am mean I know acting is tough but it is something I have always had in me. From a young age, and from time to time, I act alone in my room, laying the roles of everyone and bowing at the mirror. But don't tell me to do it for real because I freeze up. When did I stop letting it just be for fun? Isn't that why I wanted it as a career? So I could do something fun that I loved? Did I stop loving it? No of course not, even I feel my owe awe when I watch a play. I stayed amazed at the beauty of it all. I stay craving it. What is stopping me? Myself. Damn. Fuck it. I am doing this, I can do this. What have I got to lose? Jack shit. Awesome :D